he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
