Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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