At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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