I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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