apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
