but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
