Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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