Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
