You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
