the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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