Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
