ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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