I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
