Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
