He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
