the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize