i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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