He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
