It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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