If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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