I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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