shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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