I am midnight drunk by noon
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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