he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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