He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
