Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
