I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize