Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
