i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
