I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
