He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
