that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
