just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This toilet bowl is my home.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
