Why does Corona taste like a burp?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize