I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
