I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Did I show you my penis last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
