i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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