somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
