They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
