but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
