Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
