Joe is yelling at the trees again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
