i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
