and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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