I got chris browned last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Did you just see the Batmobile???
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
