I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
