I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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