Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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