How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
