Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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