remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You can't special order awesome
I don't think brook has ever known best
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
