But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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