it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
