We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm always down for nudity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
