he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
