so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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