Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
