whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
