oh god the rape fog is back!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
