is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
