The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
