yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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