can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
