i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
