is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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