her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
