I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
