dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
