It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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