I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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