New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
