my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
