i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
