then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
