I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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