My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No subtext here. People are naked.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
