I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
