I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize