does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
