I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
