I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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