His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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