Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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