I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm bleeding and have questions
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
