we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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