I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
